INT: BUSINESSMAN SITTING AT THE FRONT OF A BUS. HE’S LOOKING TETCHY AND INTENTLY CONCENTRATING ON HIS BROADSHEET NEWSPAPER.
IN THE BACKGROUND YOU CAN HEAR INANE BUT INDECIPHERABLE CHATTER, SEEMINGLY IN THE VOICES OF OLD PEOPLE.
THE BUS STOPS AND A NAKED MAN GETS ON. HE PRESERVES HIS FRONTAL MODESTY WITH A SUPERMARKET CARRIER BAG. HE SAUNTERS OVER TO THE SEAT ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE AISLE TO THE BUSINESSMAN AND SLINKS DOWN INTO HIS SEAT.
THE BUSINESSMAN SITS OPEN-MOUTHED IN ASTONISHMENT BUT GETS NO REACTION FROM THE NAKED GUY.
A FEW SECONDS PASS IN SILENCE WHEN THE NAKED GUY CASUALLY STANDS UP, READY TO GET OFF AGAIN. JUST AS HE’S UPRIGHT HE IS ADDRESSED BY A WOMAN AT THE BACK OF THE BUS, WHO IS UNSEEN BUT WE HEAR HER SHOUTING: Alright Mark!
NAKED GUY (MARK) : Oh, alright there She. How are you love?
V/O WOMAN (SHEILA) : Aahh not bad lad.
BUS SLOWLY STARTS TO COME TO A STOP.
MARK : It took an hour for that pastie to cool down yesterday y’know?
V/O SHEILA : See you love.
MARK (MOVES TOWARDS THE DOOR TO GET OFF THE BUS): Ta-ra babe.
CUT TO BUSINESSMAN, SITTING THERE INCREDULOUS. HE SHAKES HIS HEAD AND ALMOST INADVERTENTLY BLURTS OUT WHAT’S ON HIS MIND: Freaks!
HE’S THEN TAPPED ON THE SHOULDER BY A BONY HAND AND TURNS AROUND. HE FINDS THAT BOTH OF THE PEOPLE SAT BEHIND HIM ARE ALSO NAKED AND HOLDING STEAMING PASTIES.
HE LOOKS AROUND THE BUS AND EVERYONE IS NAKED AND WAVING THEIR PASTIES AT HIM.
THE MAN RUNS OFF THE BUS, PUSHING PAST MARK. HE’S SCREAMING IN TERROR IN A GIRLY HIGH-PITCHED SQUEAL.
CUT BACK TO THE BUS WHERE SHEILA AND MARK ARE RE-UNITED.
SHEILA : We got him, didn’t we love?
MARK : We sure did She. Fancy falling for that though?
SHEILA : What the pastie thing?
MARK : Yeah! (SARCASTICALLY) As if it would take an hour for a pastie to cool down! Everyone knows it only takes 56 minutes. The nutter!
HE STARTS SHAKING AND LAUGHING MANICALLY , THEN IS JOINED BY SHEILA AND THEN THE WHOLE BUS EXPLODES INTO DEMENTED LAUGHTER.
IN THE BACKGROUND YOU CAN HEAR INANE BUT INDECIPHERABLE CHATTER, SEEMINGLY IN THE VOICES OF OLD PEOPLE.
THE BUS STOPS AND A NAKED MAN GETS ON. HE PRESERVES HIS FRONTAL MODESTY WITH A SUPERMARKET CARRIER BAG. HE SAUNTERS OVER TO THE SEAT ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE AISLE TO THE BUSINESSMAN AND SLINKS DOWN INTO HIS SEAT.
THE BUSINESSMAN SITS OPEN-MOUTHED IN ASTONISHMENT BUT GETS NO REACTION FROM THE NAKED GUY.
A FEW SECONDS PASS IN SILENCE WHEN THE NAKED GUY CASUALLY STANDS UP, READY TO GET OFF AGAIN. JUST AS HE’S UPRIGHT HE IS ADDRESSED BY A WOMAN AT THE BACK OF THE BUS, WHO IS UNSEEN BUT WE HEAR HER SHOUTING: Alright Mark!
NAKED GUY (MARK) : Oh, alright there She. How are you love?
V/O WOMAN (SHEILA) : Aahh not bad lad.
BUS SLOWLY STARTS TO COME TO A STOP.
MARK : It took an hour for that pastie to cool down yesterday y’know?
V/O SHEILA : See you love.
MARK (MOVES TOWARDS THE DOOR TO GET OFF THE BUS): Ta-ra babe.
CUT TO BUSINESSMAN, SITTING THERE INCREDULOUS. HE SHAKES HIS HEAD AND ALMOST INADVERTENTLY BLURTS OUT WHAT’S ON HIS MIND: Freaks!
HE’S THEN TAPPED ON THE SHOULDER BY A BONY HAND AND TURNS AROUND. HE FINDS THAT BOTH OF THE PEOPLE SAT BEHIND HIM ARE ALSO NAKED AND HOLDING STEAMING PASTIES.
HE LOOKS AROUND THE BUS AND EVERYONE IS NAKED AND WAVING THEIR PASTIES AT HIM.
THE MAN RUNS OFF THE BUS, PUSHING PAST MARK. HE’S SCREAMING IN TERROR IN A GIRLY HIGH-PITCHED SQUEAL.
CUT BACK TO THE BUS WHERE SHEILA AND MARK ARE RE-UNITED.
SHEILA : We got him, didn’t we love?
MARK : We sure did She. Fancy falling for that though?
SHEILA : What the pastie thing?
MARK : Yeah! (SARCASTICALLY) As if it would take an hour for a pastie to cool down! Everyone knows it only takes 56 minutes. The nutter!
HE STARTS SHAKING AND LAUGHING MANICALLY , THEN IS JOINED BY SHEILA AND THEN THE WHOLE BUS EXPLODES INTO DEMENTED LAUGHTER.
1 comment:
not bad at all!
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