THE SCENE OPENS: WE ARE IN A MODERN ESTATE AGENTS SHOP. A MAN WALKS INTO THE SHOP, LOOKS AROUND FOR A FEW MINUTES. HE WAITS FOR THE MANAGER TO FINISH ON THE PHONE THEN SITS DOWN ON THE VACANT CHAIR IN FRONT OF THE MANAGERS DESK.
CLIENT:
Hello sorry to bother you, but is this The Fairy Tale Estate Agents?
MANAGER:
Erm, hang on for a second please.
THE MAN GETS UP FROM HIS CHAIR AND WALKS TOWARDS THE FRONT OF THE SHOP OPENS THE DOOR AND STEPS OUTSIDE. HE LOOKS UP AT THE FRONT OF THE BUILDING AND THEN RE-ENTERS THE OFFICE. HE SITS BACK DOWN IN HIS CHAIR.
MANAGER:
Why yes its sir. You had me going then I thought I was working in the wrong office.
THEY BOTH SMILE WEAKLY AT EACH OTHER.
MANAGER:
So how can I help you sir?
CLIENT:
Well I was wondering if you had any black shoes, broad fitting and in a size12?
MANAGER:
Oh. Well I would love to help you sir but this isn’t a shoe shop I am afraid.
CLIENT:
I see well in that case what do you have for sale?
MANAGER:
We sell property, you know houses, bungalows, flats and mansions and the like!
CLIENT:
I’ll take one of each and all in size 12 then. Do you gift wrap them at all?
MANAGER:
I am awfully sorry but you don’t seem to understand. It is property we deal with not footwear.
CLIENT:
Oh I see what you mean, I am so sorry about that. Well seeing as I am here I am looking to move to a new abode, as it would happen.
MANAGER:
Well you have definitely come to the right place sir. We have a wide range of property for sale as you can see. [POINTS TO THE PICTURES OF HOUSES FOR SALE ON THE DISPLAY UNITS.]
CLIENT:
So what do you have for sale then that would suit a man of the world like myself?
MANAGER:
That’s more like it sir, so what area are you thinking of moving to then?
CLIENT:
Well it would have to be local to this area I wouldn’t want to go too far.
MANAGER:
I see, well that does narrow it down a little for me. But more importantly how much are you thinking of buying a new place for?
CLIENT:
Well let me see [HE TAKES HIS WALLET FROM HIS INSIDE POCKET OF HIS JACKET. LOOKS IN HIS WALLET COUNTS THE CONTENTS AND REPLACES THE WALLET.] I have £50.00 on me at the moment…
THE MANAGER CUTS IN QUICKLY
MANAGER:
I am afraid that wouldn’t buy you much sir.
THE CUSTOMER CARRIES ON WITH HIS SENTENCE.
CLIENT:
And about another £180,000 in my bank account.
MANAGER:
Oh that is grand sir!
CLIENT:
Yes it is 180 to be precise oh and £50.00 to be exact.
MANAGER:
Yes quite. So you are looking for a piece of property for about £180,000?
CLIENT:
And £50.00!
MANAGER:
Yes and £50.00. So let me get this right you have £180,050 to play with sir?
CLIENT:
That is correct.
MANAGER:
Finally, [A LITTLE EXASPERATED] Well let me see what we have on the books for you sir.
CLIENT:
Oh no I don’t want to buy a book it would have to be a new house. Don’t get me wrong I love reading but not at that price.
MANAGER LOOKS CONFUSED AND WIPES HIS BROW WITH THE BACK OF HIS HAND.
MANAGER:
Well anyway we have a couple currently on the market.
CLIENT:
Interesting but perhaps we should stick to the property I am engaged after all.
MANAGER:
Mmm… Yes lets. Well we have this one sir,it’s right up your street.
CLIENT:
I have not noticed any property for sale in my street; perhaps the For Sale sign hasn’t gone up yet.
MANAGER:
No sir, please forgive me I meant most suited to your good self.
CLIENT:
Ah I see.
THE MANAGER PASSES A PAPER COPY OF THE DETAILS OF A NICE SEMI DETACHED HOUSE. THE CUSTOMER READS IT WHILST THE MANAGER TELLS HIM ABOUT IT ALSO.
MANAGER:
This is a lovely little semi sir and it has only just gone on the market in the last day or two. Unfortunately we have no photo for you to look at just yet.
CLIENT:
Is it made of ginger bread and sweets and sticky buns, by any chance I would love it if it were?
MANAGER:
Why no I am afraid it isn’t at all.
CLIENT:
Oh what a shame never mind.
MANAGER:
Oh in that case perhaps this will be better for you!
THE MANAGER PASSES MORE DETAILS TO THE CLIENT.
CLIENT:
Mmm. It looks ok so far.
MANAGER:
Well it’s a very nice 2 bedroom flat in the city. No.22 Balmoral Towers suitable for the young executive types.
CLIENT:
Do you happen to know if it has a resident Princess with overly long hair?
MANAGER:
Why no it hasn’t, sorry.
CLIENT:
Oh what a pity it would have been good if I came back late from the pub without my keys. All I would have to do would be to shout to her, Repunzel, Rapunzel throw down your hair, so I could climb up it to my apartment!
MANAGER:
So that’s a no as well then sir?
CLIENT:
It’s not really the type of place I am looking for.
MANAGER:
Well for the area you are looking for and the money you wish to spend I am afraid the only other property we have is a small cottage near three-acre woods.
CLIENT:
Oh that sounds pleasant.
MANAGER:
Yes it is sir. It’s a little cottage in lovely picturesque surroundings.
CLIENT:
Does it have a complimentary bad wolf, which likes to follow small children in red and dresses up as their granny and waits in her bed?
MANAGER:
I am afraid, there haven’t been wolves in these parts for a few hundred years sir.
CLIENT:
So that’s a no then.
MANAGER:
That’s a no sir, sorry. [HOLDS HIS HANDS OUT AS TO SAY WHAT CAN ONE DO]
CLIENT:
Well it doesn’t look like you can help me does it?
MANAGER:
Sorry sir. [SHAKES HIS HEAD]
CLIENT:
Never mind I may call again. Goodbye.
THE CLIENT AND THE MANAGER BOTH STAND UP AND THE CLIENT MOVES TOWARDS THE SHOP DOOR
MANAGER:
Goodbye sir, see you soon I hope. [WE SEE HIS FINGERS CROSSED BEHIND HIS BACK]
THE MAN EXITS THE DOOR AND WALKS OUT OF SHOT. THE TELEPHONE RINGS AND THE MANAGER PICKS UP THE RECEIVER AND SITS DOWN IN HIS CHAIR.
MANAGER:
Hello! Oh hello. [PAUSE] Yes this is the Fairy Tale Estate Agents. [PAUSE] I see you have a small property for sale. [PAUSE] I see. [PAUSE] What is the address madam? [HE WRITES THE DETAILS DOWN AND THEN REPEATS IT BACK TO THE CLIENT ON THE PHONE] No.3, Bear Cottage, Porridge Lane. [PAUSE] Yes I know it madam and your name? Goldilocks. That’s fine madam we’ll be around tomorrow morning to measure up for you. Bye.
THE END.
CLIENT:
Hello sorry to bother you, but is this The Fairy Tale Estate Agents?
MANAGER:
Erm, hang on for a second please.
THE MAN GETS UP FROM HIS CHAIR AND WALKS TOWARDS THE FRONT OF THE SHOP OPENS THE DOOR AND STEPS OUTSIDE. HE LOOKS UP AT THE FRONT OF THE BUILDING AND THEN RE-ENTERS THE OFFICE. HE SITS BACK DOWN IN HIS CHAIR.
MANAGER:
Why yes its sir. You had me going then I thought I was working in the wrong office.
THEY BOTH SMILE WEAKLY AT EACH OTHER.
MANAGER:
So how can I help you sir?
CLIENT:
Well I was wondering if you had any black shoes, broad fitting and in a size12?
MANAGER:
Oh. Well I would love to help you sir but this isn’t a shoe shop I am afraid.
CLIENT:
I see well in that case what do you have for sale?
MANAGER:
We sell property, you know houses, bungalows, flats and mansions and the like!
CLIENT:
I’ll take one of each and all in size 12 then. Do you gift wrap them at all?
MANAGER:
I am awfully sorry but you don’t seem to understand. It is property we deal with not footwear.
CLIENT:
Oh I see what you mean, I am so sorry about that. Well seeing as I am here I am looking to move to a new abode, as it would happen.
MANAGER:
Well you have definitely come to the right place sir. We have a wide range of property for sale as you can see. [POINTS TO THE PICTURES OF HOUSES FOR SALE ON THE DISPLAY UNITS.]
CLIENT:
So what do you have for sale then that would suit a man of the world like myself?
MANAGER:
That’s more like it sir, so what area are you thinking of moving to then?
CLIENT:
Well it would have to be local to this area I wouldn’t want to go too far.
MANAGER:
I see, well that does narrow it down a little for me. But more importantly how much are you thinking of buying a new place for?
CLIENT:
Well let me see [HE TAKES HIS WALLET FROM HIS INSIDE POCKET OF HIS JACKET. LOOKS IN HIS WALLET COUNTS THE CONTENTS AND REPLACES THE WALLET.] I have £50.00 on me at the moment…
THE MANAGER CUTS IN QUICKLY
MANAGER:
I am afraid that wouldn’t buy you much sir.
THE CUSTOMER CARRIES ON WITH HIS SENTENCE.
CLIENT:
And about another £180,000 in my bank account.
MANAGER:
Oh that is grand sir!
CLIENT:
Yes it is 180 to be precise oh and £50.00 to be exact.
MANAGER:
Yes quite. So you are looking for a piece of property for about £180,000?
CLIENT:
And £50.00!
MANAGER:
Yes and £50.00. So let me get this right you have £180,050 to play with sir?
CLIENT:
That is correct.
MANAGER:
Finally, [A LITTLE EXASPERATED] Well let me see what we have on the books for you sir.
CLIENT:
Oh no I don’t want to buy a book it would have to be a new house. Don’t get me wrong I love reading but not at that price.
MANAGER LOOKS CONFUSED AND WIPES HIS BROW WITH THE BACK OF HIS HAND.
MANAGER:
Well anyway we have a couple currently on the market.
CLIENT:
Interesting but perhaps we should stick to the property I am engaged after all.
MANAGER:
Mmm… Yes lets. Well we have this one sir,it’s right up your street.
CLIENT:
I have not noticed any property for sale in my street; perhaps the For Sale sign hasn’t gone up yet.
MANAGER:
No sir, please forgive me I meant most suited to your good self.
CLIENT:
Ah I see.
THE MANAGER PASSES A PAPER COPY OF THE DETAILS OF A NICE SEMI DETACHED HOUSE. THE CUSTOMER READS IT WHILST THE MANAGER TELLS HIM ABOUT IT ALSO.
MANAGER:
This is a lovely little semi sir and it has only just gone on the market in the last day or two. Unfortunately we have no photo for you to look at just yet.
CLIENT:
Is it made of ginger bread and sweets and sticky buns, by any chance I would love it if it were?
MANAGER:
Why no I am afraid it isn’t at all.
CLIENT:
Oh what a shame never mind.
MANAGER:
Oh in that case perhaps this will be better for you!
THE MANAGER PASSES MORE DETAILS TO THE CLIENT.
CLIENT:
Mmm. It looks ok so far.
MANAGER:
Well it’s a very nice 2 bedroom flat in the city. No.22 Balmoral Towers suitable for the young executive types.
CLIENT:
Do you happen to know if it has a resident Princess with overly long hair?
MANAGER:
Why no it hasn’t, sorry.
CLIENT:
Oh what a pity it would have been good if I came back late from the pub without my keys. All I would have to do would be to shout to her, Repunzel, Rapunzel throw down your hair, so I could climb up it to my apartment!
MANAGER:
So that’s a no as well then sir?
CLIENT:
It’s not really the type of place I am looking for.
MANAGER:
Well for the area you are looking for and the money you wish to spend I am afraid the only other property we have is a small cottage near three-acre woods.
CLIENT:
Oh that sounds pleasant.
MANAGER:
Yes it is sir. It’s a little cottage in lovely picturesque surroundings.
CLIENT:
Does it have a complimentary bad wolf, which likes to follow small children in red and dresses up as their granny and waits in her bed?
MANAGER:
I am afraid, there haven’t been wolves in these parts for a few hundred years sir.
CLIENT:
So that’s a no then.
MANAGER:
That’s a no sir, sorry. [HOLDS HIS HANDS OUT AS TO SAY WHAT CAN ONE DO]
CLIENT:
Well it doesn’t look like you can help me does it?
MANAGER:
Sorry sir. [SHAKES HIS HEAD]
CLIENT:
Never mind I may call again. Goodbye.
THE CLIENT AND THE MANAGER BOTH STAND UP AND THE CLIENT MOVES TOWARDS THE SHOP DOOR
MANAGER:
Goodbye sir, see you soon I hope. [WE SEE HIS FINGERS CROSSED BEHIND HIS BACK]
THE MAN EXITS THE DOOR AND WALKS OUT OF SHOT. THE TELEPHONE RINGS AND THE MANAGER PICKS UP THE RECEIVER AND SITS DOWN IN HIS CHAIR.
MANAGER:
Hello! Oh hello. [PAUSE] Yes this is the Fairy Tale Estate Agents. [PAUSE] I see you have a small property for sale. [PAUSE] I see. [PAUSE] What is the address madam? [HE WRITES THE DETAILS DOWN AND THEN REPEATS IT BACK TO THE CLIENT ON THE PHONE] No.3, Bear Cottage, Porridge Lane. [PAUSE] Yes I know it madam and your name? Goldilocks. That’s fine madam we’ll be around tomorrow morning to measure up for you. Bye.
THE END.
1 comment:
Great work.
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