THE SCHOOL BELL RINGS FOR END OF LESSONS AT DINNER TIME.
THE HEADMASTERS DOOR OPENS AND IN WALKS A SCHOOL BOY (MAN)
THE HEADMASTER LOOKS UP FROM HIS DESK.
TEACHER:
Good afternoon Jenkins. I am glad you have honoured me with your presence. I believe that you have been up to no good yet again isn’t that so?
JENKINS:
Yes sir. I mean no sir.
TEACHER:
I’m glad we see eye- to- eye boy. I received a call from year 6’s form teacher this morning and he spotted you doing something despicable on the playing fields. What do you have to say to that young man?
JENKINS IS STANDING SLOUCHED AND HEAD BOWED.
TEACHER:
Stand up straight Jenkins when I am talking to you, your not in class now.
JENKINS:
Sorry sir.
TEACHER:
Now, what have you got to say for yourself, Jenkins?
JENKINS:
Well I was on the playing fields sir and I do recall Mr Poland shouting something to me sir.
TEACHER:
And what was it that you were doing on the playing fields Jenkins? I do recall we had a chat last term about your habitual habits young man.
JENKINS IS LOOKING DOWN TO THE FLOOR AND IS KICKING HIS FEET IN AN EMBARRESING WAY.
JENKINS:
Well sir I was erm… just looking for my comb. I lost it and wanted to get it back sir.
TEACHER:
And does looking for your comb entail you having your pants around your ankles Jenkins?
JENKINS:
I have a problem with my trouser button sir it fell off and when I was startled by Mr Poland’s shouts I er.
TEACHER:
I am Jenkins, a keen eagle eyed watcher of people. I would go as far to say that never before, has a keener eagle eyed people watcher walked this schools, hallowed halls. Now tell me if I am wrong but have you not got a button fastening your trousers at this very moment?
JENKINS:
Yes sir.
TEACHER:
So prey tell me Jenkins how it is that you ended up on the playing fields laying face down with your pants about your ankles thrusting vigorously with your left hand about your undergarments?
JENKINS:
A bee sir!
TEACHER:
A bee? How on earth could a mere bee have left you in such a feverish state as the one Mr Poland was unfortunately left to witness Jenkins?
JENKINS:
Well sir it was a hot day and as I said my trouser button had broken. I was left to hold on to my trousers with one hand. I was looking for my comb as already stated when I heard a shout of sorts. I then stumbled and as fate would happen my trousers fell about my ankles.
TEACHER:
Does falling over entail you playing with yourself? The thrusting Jenkins and how did that happen?
JENKINS:
I was busy trying to get back up sir and a very persistent bee came at me from nowhere and attacked my unprotected under crackers sir.
TEACHER:
So Jenkins you are telling me that because of this you were forced to beat yourself vigorously in front of year 2’s assembly?
JENKINS:
Well sir I was only trying to beat the bee off sir.
TEACHER:
That’s a near scientific impossibility, Jenkins. Surely with your track record you cannot think for one minute that I would believe that?
JENKINS:
It was the honey sir; I think it was the honey.
TEACHER:
What honey is this Jenkins?
JENKINS:
It was this morning sir; I was having my breakfast as normal and I accidentally spilled some fresh honey onto my lap. I think that is what the bee was after.
TEACHER:
Mmm.. I see and this is your measly excuse for doing a depraved act in front of year 2 Jenkins? And I take it you were just trying to wipe the honey off of your lap?
JENKINS:
It’s true sir.
TEACHER:
Because of what you did today some of the year 2 boys had to be sent home as they were sick at what they had seen. What have you to say to that young man?
JENKINS:
Sorry sir but I’m telling the truth.
TEACHER:
Well what’s done is done but seeing as you were caught batting in the loose covers on the cricket pitch I am going to have to give you six of the best. Drop your pants Jenkins. Sorry dear boy but I can assure you this will definitely hurt you more than it will hurt me.
JENKINS:
But sir!
THE END
THE HEADMASTERS DOOR OPENS AND IN WALKS A SCHOOL BOY (MAN)
THE HEADMASTER LOOKS UP FROM HIS DESK.
TEACHER:
Good afternoon Jenkins. I am glad you have honoured me with your presence. I believe that you have been up to no good yet again isn’t that so?
JENKINS:
Yes sir. I mean no sir.
TEACHER:
I’m glad we see eye- to- eye boy. I received a call from year 6’s form teacher this morning and he spotted you doing something despicable on the playing fields. What do you have to say to that young man?
JENKINS IS STANDING SLOUCHED AND HEAD BOWED.
TEACHER:
Stand up straight Jenkins when I am talking to you, your not in class now.
JENKINS:
Sorry sir.
TEACHER:
Now, what have you got to say for yourself, Jenkins?
JENKINS:
Well I was on the playing fields sir and I do recall Mr Poland shouting something to me sir.
TEACHER:
And what was it that you were doing on the playing fields Jenkins? I do recall we had a chat last term about your habitual habits young man.
JENKINS IS LOOKING DOWN TO THE FLOOR AND IS KICKING HIS FEET IN AN EMBARRESING WAY.
JENKINS:
Well sir I was erm… just looking for my comb. I lost it and wanted to get it back sir.
TEACHER:
And does looking for your comb entail you having your pants around your ankles Jenkins?
JENKINS:
I have a problem with my trouser button sir it fell off and when I was startled by Mr Poland’s shouts I er.
TEACHER:
I am Jenkins, a keen eagle eyed watcher of people. I would go as far to say that never before, has a keener eagle eyed people watcher walked this schools, hallowed halls. Now tell me if I am wrong but have you not got a button fastening your trousers at this very moment?
JENKINS:
Yes sir.
TEACHER:
So prey tell me Jenkins how it is that you ended up on the playing fields laying face down with your pants about your ankles thrusting vigorously with your left hand about your undergarments?
JENKINS:
A bee sir!
TEACHER:
A bee? How on earth could a mere bee have left you in such a feverish state as the one Mr Poland was unfortunately left to witness Jenkins?
JENKINS:
Well sir it was a hot day and as I said my trouser button had broken. I was left to hold on to my trousers with one hand. I was looking for my comb as already stated when I heard a shout of sorts. I then stumbled and as fate would happen my trousers fell about my ankles.
TEACHER:
Does falling over entail you playing with yourself? The thrusting Jenkins and how did that happen?
JENKINS:
I was busy trying to get back up sir and a very persistent bee came at me from nowhere and attacked my unprotected under crackers sir.
TEACHER:
So Jenkins you are telling me that because of this you were forced to beat yourself vigorously in front of year 2’s assembly?
JENKINS:
Well sir I was only trying to beat the bee off sir.
TEACHER:
That’s a near scientific impossibility, Jenkins. Surely with your track record you cannot think for one minute that I would believe that?
JENKINS:
It was the honey sir; I think it was the honey.
TEACHER:
What honey is this Jenkins?
JENKINS:
It was this morning sir; I was having my breakfast as normal and I accidentally spilled some fresh honey onto my lap. I think that is what the bee was after.
TEACHER:
Mmm.. I see and this is your measly excuse for doing a depraved act in front of year 2 Jenkins? And I take it you were just trying to wipe the honey off of your lap?
JENKINS:
It’s true sir.
TEACHER:
Because of what you did today some of the year 2 boys had to be sent home as they were sick at what they had seen. What have you to say to that young man?
JENKINS:
Sorry sir but I’m telling the truth.
TEACHER:
Well what’s done is done but seeing as you were caught batting in the loose covers on the cricket pitch I am going to have to give you six of the best. Drop your pants Jenkins. Sorry dear boy but I can assure you this will definitely hurt you more than it will hurt me.
JENKINS:
But sir!
THE END
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