Friday, 18 May 2007

Skid Marks


Scene 1: INT scruffy flat 14:00
Camera pans around a rubbish strewn flat. Numerous dirty spoons are strewn across the floor along with bags and jars of unknown powders. Camera moves to the hallway and you can hear moans and groans from the toilet. Groans get louder as the camera moves towards the toilet. Suddenly, from the toilet, an out-stretched arm falls to the floor, holding a glass jar which smashes, spilling its contents onto the floor. Camera close-up on broken jar. Label says Vindaloo.

Scene 2: Ext SCID Headquarters 18:00
Large grey building on busy road. Camera zooms in on sign on the building saying SCID (Special Curry Investigation Department) Headquarters.

Scene 3: INT SCID Meeting Room 18:00 Small, dimly lit office with numerous computers and photographs on the wall. Two officers are in the room, one standing, and one sitting.

SCID Detective Inspector (DI) Jones: Well Johnson, fill me in on tonight’s activities.

SCID Officer Johnson: Well Sir, we’ve had a number of leads on the whereabouts of Jack ‘the hot’ McTavish. We believe he has been seen selling powder in Ireland.

DI Jones: Cork?

Officer Johnson: Yes..thank you sir.

DI Jones hands the other officer a cork, which he places in a holster on his belt.

Young officer walks in and hands SCID Officer Johnson a sheet of paper.

Officer Johnson: (angrily) Sir!, they’ve found another body at a flat, same M.O., overdose on Vindaloo, massive blood loss.

DI Jones: Where from…the south end?

Officer Johnson: Afraid so.
DI Jones: (winces) Nasty!

Officer Johnson walks over to a map on the wall.

Officer Johnson: The last 3 overdoses have all taken place around here. (points at map) They must have set up a new base in this area.

Officer Johnson points to the map and camera zooms in on the word Staines.

DI Jones: OK Johnson, why don’t you go and get something to eat. The canteen should still be open, what’s on the menu today?
Officer Johnson: Erm, I think its cheese and tomato pizza, sir.

DI Jones: With curry?

Officer Johnson: (Surprised) Yeah, that’s right sir! How did you know?

DI Jones: (smugly) Ah, elementary my dear Johnson. Now off you go.

Officer Johnson: Right Sir, thank-you sir.

Officer Johnson leaves the room. And DI Jones goes to the door and opens it slightly to watch Officer Johnson walk down the corridor. He then closes the door and smiles.

Scene 4: INT SCID offices corridor 18:05
Long Corridor. Camera zooms in on sign saying SCID Meeting Room. Someone has left a post-it note next to it saying ‘SCID, we always leave our mark’. A young female Police Constable knocks on the door, sees the note and smiles. She opens the door and walks in.

Scene 5: INT SCID Meeting Room 18:05
Inside the SCID Meeting room. The room appears empty. The female constable walks towards the first desk to leave a note in a tray on the nearest desk. She is about to leave the room when she hears a noise. She looks towards a desk at the back of room. Camera pans to the desk and we see DI Jones is sitting behind his desk but crouched under it. DI Jones realises there is someone in the room and sits bolt upright very quickly and we can see traces of yellow powder under his nose.


DI Jones: (angrily) Can't you bloody knock before you come in constable?


Constable: Sorry sir, I did sir, I...

DI Jones: Never mind just bloody knock next time. Anyway what do you want?

Constable: I was told to pass a message on to you sir from one of your contacts.

DI Jones: Ah yes I have been waiting for this, what did he say?

Constable: (reads from note) Dansak says ”Fire is in the hole!" sir.

DI Jones: Thank you constable that is good news. You can go now. And bloody knock next time!


Female PC walks out and closes the door behind her.


Cut to:

DI Jones in the room. He quickly places something in silver paperback into his desk draw, closes it and locks it. He wipes his nose and picks up the phone to dial a number.


DI Jones: Johnson? Get the lads together for a meeting here at 19:00 hours. We have had a code word and it looks like the job is going down tonight. I want to sort out the plan of action, pronto. No! Not Tonto, that was the Lone Rangers side-kick, I said pronto.

Scene 6: INT SCID Meeting Room 19:00

A group of 5 SCID officers are sitting in a semi-circle talking. They are facing a whiteboard with pictures and maps on it. DI Jones is standing beside the whiteboard.

DI Jones: OK settle down, settle down. Here’s what we have. At around 18:00 hours this evening we got the code word from our informer. This means it’s going down tonight. You all know Jackson’s been undercover for a number of months now and using his intelligence, we have been staking out a warehouse near the docks hoping to catch the ring leader Jack MacTavish. We believe a shipment of ultra hot powders is coming in tonight and MacTavish is overseeing this shipment personally. We hope to capture both the shipment and MacTavish.

The door to the office opens and Officer Johnson bursts in.

Officer Johnson: (out of breath) Sir, Jackson has just called in; he’s just spotted McTavish entering the warehouse in Kashmiri street.

DI Jones: OK guys, this is it. Now we all know that there have been reports of some of the powders going missing during last weeks raid. So the chief-super has demanded that we wear nothing more than our underwear on this one.

The SCID Officers all look at each other, surprised and worried.

DI Jones: I know, I know, it’s not the perfect situation, but there’ll be nowhere to hide the evidence if anyone is thinking of taking some powders for themselves. Now let’s roll!!

Scene 7: EXT Old warehouses 19:30. Black Police van skids around the corner towards a warehouse. It crashes into a number of empty boxes and then screeches to a halt. We hear a crashing noise from within the van and then audible mumbles from its occupants. The driver gets out and then runs to the back of the van and opens the doors. As he does the team of SCID officers wearing black underwear with SCID written on them in white letters and wearing goggles all fall clattering to the ground. One of the officers is wearing a gas mask.


DI Jones: Bloody hell Jenson, you nearly killed us. The driver (Jenson) looks sheepish.


Jenson: Sorry sir.


DI Jones: (points to an Officer) As for you Jackson, I’m putting you in charge of the respiratory equipment.

Gives Officer Jackson the respiratory equipment in a box.

Officer Jackson: OK Sir.

Scene 8: EXT Outside Warehouse 19:32
SCID officers are standing outside the warehouse door, whispering.


DI Jones: (quietly) Well it looks like we have been quiet enough not to alert anyone of our presence, lads. Let’s get this plan into action and nab ourselves some top notch smugglers. Johnson and I will monitor the situation from back in the van. When I give the order, you lot go in all guns blazing.

Officer Jackson: What’s the signal then sir?

DI Jones: Errrrm (looks at all the SCID officers in their underwear) ‘scid’s in your underpants, go,go,go!’

SCID Officers Jones & Johnson return to the van. We hear the order and then hear loud breaking noises, shouting, gunfire and farting noises. The camera pans into the night sky.

Scene 9: EXT Outside warehouse 19:55

SCID Officers Jones & Johnson are walking towards the warehouse door, talking.

Suddenly, the door burst open and Officer Jackson, wearing joke spectacles with eyes on springs comes out screaming.

Officer Jackson: My eyes my eyes!

Officer Jackson runs straight into camera and we have a close up of his face with the spectacles.

Camera pans to Officers Jones & Johnson wearing 3D glasses watch Jackson as he runs off, still screaming. An officer in forensic overalls and also wearing 3D glasses comes through door.

Forensic Officer: (removes glasses) Good evening sir, (nods) Johnson.

DI Jones: Well Jordan, what do we have?

Forensic Officer Jordan: Well, we have found a large amount of powder in there, it looks like the biggest haul we’ve had for quite a while. We’ve opened windows to release any toxic gasses. Jackson, (nodding in the direction of the screaming PC) was wearing the wrong respiratory equipment. But it should be perfectly OK in there now.

Scene 10: INT Inside Warehouse 19:56

The warehouse is full of shelves stocked with tins with various strong curry names written on them.

DI Jones: (looking around) What about MacTavish?

Forensic Officer: No sign of him, although we did find this.

Forensic Officer hands a poster for the Curry Festival to DI Jones. Headlining the show are the Red Hot Chilli Peppers.

DI Jones: (looking at the poster) I see nothing of relevance.

Forensic Officer: Turn it around…

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